~Syukur~

~syukur sangat, bila disaat aku memerlukan jawapan, aku berjaya temuinya~

~syukur sangat bila disaat aku memerlukan kehadiranNya, dia tak pernah lari~

~syukur sangat bila dengan hanya satu ayat, segalanya boleh berubah~

p/s nasib bek aku tak label lagik 'si dia' yg baru sebagai projek 2..hahah telah ku temui jawapan yg pasti yang pastinya merubah persepsi diri ini~yeay~!

~promiseS~

And they say, never make a promise that you can never keep.

And looking back, there are so many promises that I had made to MYSELF had been broken.

Funny when you keep on saying that you should love yourself first to learn how to love anyone else. But you always know that falling in love, also mean that you will learn to love yourself more by wanted to be the best of yourself.

But then how can you say that you love yourself when you keep on breaking the promises that you made to yourself. Well you know how bad it feels when someone broke their promises but still you never feel sad when you had broke your own promise to the person who had been there ,still am and always will be-->yourself.

As for that,I'm writing these promises which some of it I had been said to myself so very earlier. And some of these are new as the result for this realization.ehhe

1) "Manusia bertindak mengikut apa yang dia mahu dan bukannya apa yang dia tahu."

Quote nih ak dapat dari buku yg ak baca. Tapi bila ak telek2 sebenarnya ak selalu sangat buat apa yang aku tahu dan bukannya apa yang aku mahu. Mungkin bukan selalu aku macam nih. Tapi kalau melibatkan perkara yang serius macam pelajaran, kerjaya dan sebagainya memang apa yang aku buat ialah mengikut sahaja apa yang aku tahu. Aku tutup rapat2 apa yang aku mahu sampai aku tersesat dalam mencari matlamat aku.Maka bila aku dah hbis kn 4 thun Grad dlm bidang yg aku tahu,aku dah buat keputusan untuk buat ap ayang aku mahu dan tak lagi terikat dengan apa yang aku tahu. Tapi nk mncari apa yang aku mahu memang teramat payah sebab aku dah terlalu lama tenggelam dengan apa yang aku tahu. Pencarian yang sukar tapi masih aku perjuangkan.Ini bukan kerja gila sebab aku mencari lebih dari yg aku mahu.Aku tak tamak.Tapi aku yakin dan mahu berusaha untuk dptkan kedua-duanya. Buat sesuatu yang tahap mahu dan tahu itu sama seiring ataupun mahu itu lebih dari apa yang aku tahu sebab aku tersangat sedar dengan adanya mahu, maka tahu akan datang sendiri.

To be continue..

~huRt~

Congratulation. You hurt Me again~!

I already know that this had always been on the list of things that you would do to me. Why should i be surprise and why the pain is still so very damn hurtful.I thought by knowing it beforehand or being prepared won't make me feel this terrible. I would like to think that all you hurt was just my Ego but then, my heart felt so heavy and it hurt damn so much when everything about u had been mentioned.

Though I know I could never bring myself to blame u, but still.U such a JERK~!Damn Bad guY you are!I now maybe later I'm going to forgive you but for this time being i would like to curse and stay mad at you because I deserved to do that after you had done~!

You just so selfish, ungrateful, liar and irresponsible jerk I ever laid my eyes on!~I hatE u...but i know that I fall for you~!DAMN~!

Breathing Again~

Dear M,

I need to leave. I need to walk away from all these feelings. I've been badly hurt before this and I know you're not going to help me cure this cuts and bruises. I would never blame you for that because you make it very clear that you cannot give me anything from the day you say hello~

Well, I was the one who had offered help for your broken heart and I never thought that I would be trap in these feeling which come out of nowhere. I wanted so much to be the one that seriously can seal back your broken heart but deep down I know that it is impossible.

Impossible because you had been trying to prove that you are a bad guy. You trying to poison the feeling I have for you by keep sending me confusing signals and all. And most importantly he did not trust his heart that he can love and be loved.

How can I help or go straight to this one person who does not even want to help himself? I'm setting u free. Please just open your heart. I know that it will broke my heart even more to know that there'll be other girl who will be your saviour and mend your broken heart because I know I had failed to do so. But I rather it become like that than seeing you keep on punishing your self and torturing your own heart and feeling.Please be brave and just take the chance as while you still have it~

Please let me breath ~

~STUPID~

I'm tired.

It Suck.I felt this before.All the same frustration and disappointment.

And why do I never take the step to back down?I've been here and it is definitely not a very nice place to spend the time with.

Didn't I deserved someone better. Just like he said.i'm better off with someone else~! Just because he don't think that he is a good person for me. Duh~ Sounds like I'm a fallen angel and making me feel even worse for even have a feeling for him.

I don't get men. They run away when u try to get close and when u go they pull u faster than a rocket can be. Why they are did that? STUPID~!

~Penantian~

.nak lari jauh2 dari dia..

sebb
.dia buat ak nerves.
.dia buat ak kelam kabut.
.dia buat ak resah.
.dan ygpoling utama....dia buat aku MENUGGU~!

Tapi aku macam dah tak mampu nak lawan lagi.

.Aku macam terpaku.
.Aku macam terkesima.
.Aku macam terpukau.

Akhirnya..

Disini aku terus memandang
Disini aku terus mengharap
Disini aku terus memendam

Sigh~!Stupid!

~Antara Dua~

Antara Dua~!

.berenti atau teruskan.

.selamat atau risiko.

.kerja susah atau kerja senang.

.sokongan atau kutukan.

.senyuman atau tangisan.

.kemanisan atau kepahitan.

Semua orng ada destinasi yang sama. BAHAGia. tapi jalan menuju bahagia ada seribu satu cara, seribu macam belok dan selekoh. Memang kita akan sampai ke destinasi tapi jalan yg ditempuh pasti berbeza. Memang payah mngubah persepsi orng lain bila diri sendiri pun masih meragui keupayaan dan kemampuan diri. Percayalah pada hati, tapi biarlah bertulangkan restu dan doa dipohon dari ilahi. Aku juga menuju bahagia. Dalam penafsiran yang mungkin tak sama.

~HUjUng MiNngu~

walau pun wknd yg baru berlalu ak hbiskan bersama my precious darling Niece, Miss Damia AriSsa yg sgt petah n bijak tu, jauh disudut hati mmg ada terasa kosong. Chup, tolonglah jgn kata sebb ak single, x dak pakwe sbb tu rasa cmtu..nak aje ak lempang..

apa dgn cinta manusia jer ker sudut hati tu akan penuh terisi??ha, jawab2, jawab. terkedu lah tu..sedar diri lah tu.hahah..

Mungkin sebab dlam diam ak terkenangkan shbt terasa yg smkin mnjauh, walau sbnrnya dekat ajer jarak yg memishkn. Mungkin sebab ak terpikir-pikir yang betapa canggihnya teknologi skrng tetp x berguna kalau orng yng memilikinya x pun mahu menggunnakannya. Mungkin sebb bulan ak dah nak mengambang, jadi emosi x baper nak stabil n tahap kesensitifan jiwa meningkat dgn kadar x dpt dibendung.Hmm, maka aku buat kesimpulan sbb buln ak dh nk mngmbang, makanya emosi ak x stabil. Perasaan pn jadi kucar kacir, hati pun asyik tak tenteram.


hai lah~!cepatlah poie jejauh!! BENCI!

Tgk, kn emo Lagik tu..huhu btw raya tahun nih mmg terasa sgt hambar. bagi aku lah. Maybe sbb ak jadik kekok n hilng mood beraya sbb thn nih, malam raya br balik kg. Mebe sbb blik kg pn x ramai orng yg ada d kg. Thun nih pn x pi beraya sgt. Jmputn utk open house pn mmg byk yg ak skip. Well not sngaja sgtlah skip tu..mostly sebb timIng x baper kena. hmm maaf sesgt yer kengkawan x dpt hadir.N of course terima kasih byk2 sebab jmput..(^o^)/


Oh yer, tentang si dia yg sedng mngetuk pintu hati, kamu mmg sgt mencabr n menguji ksbaran..Mungkin kamu sbnrnya x rasa apa yg aku rasa. dan pedih sekali bile diri x ada kekuatan utk bgthu kamu yg sakitnya jiwa nih ~adoi,naperlah nk singgh2 ketuk2 kalu x reti nk masuk?cet!~

~Dear Me~

Dearest Shahirah,

You know if you are not careful enough you"ll Be falling into the same old trap again.Though with a different person now, you know it would still hurt like hell~!

Gosh, how I wish i can really train every inch of your brain to just ignore and simply play along without involving any or even the very smallest part of me in his game. BUt then i do realize if we ever have to find someone to blame this thing to it's definitely going to be me, who have to take the responsibility right? In fact, I'm the one suggesting this plan right? I'm the one looking for trouble, right? and what i do? I dragged along every single of ur anatomy to do what ever i please.

So much of becoming an angel, konon~!Try to inject and spread the love.Encouraging and guiding sangat~!Shahirah,what are you thinking?Now slowly I mean very Slowly u're falling into the trap.AGAIN! See how stupid u are right?

We both always know at athe back of the mind and deep down within me whatever things he said, most of the time he don't really mean it right? He just by nature a sweet talker and for god sake with a very handsome physical that really attract U,right? DAMN~!

From now on things would be so much harder because u fall for him already~!But I do know if it involved me, u would be as much as helpless if he come around again right? Just be strong, Shahirah. Don't be very negative. I'm not trying to build up hope here but we just could not deny that if he is the one for you, he'll come around sooner or later..doakan sahaja..

"Ya Allah, jika dia benar untukku. Dekatkanlah hatiku dgn hatinya.Jika dia bukan untukku, redhakanlah aku dengan ketentuanMu."

Bila~

Bilamana apa yang aku lihat semacam menjeling dendam ke arah ku
Bilamana apa yang aku pandang seperti penuh tipu dan muslihat
Bilamana apa yang aku luahkan mula berbaur prasangka dan kedengkian
Bilamana apa yang kuhajati tak dapat ku genggami
Bilamana senyuman ikhlas tak lagi dapat memadam api benci

Aku nanar
Aku lagi resah
Aku terus berantakan

Aku mahu keluar dari calitan hitam yang memualkan ini
Aku mahu menjauh dari kekalutan hodoh yang memakan diri ini
Aku mahu bangkit dari lingkaran gelap yang meyelimut jiwa ini

Aku harus datang padaMu
Aku perlu sujud padaMu

Hanya kau tempat ku berserah
Hanya kau Maha mengerti
Kerna diri ku hanya milikMu

Bebaskan aku Kawan~

A: Dia dah berubah..

B: Berubah?Apa maksud kau? Ey,sekejap.Bukan berubah tu perkara biasa ke?Kita kan manusia. Makhluk dinamik~!Makhluk yang sentiasa bertindak balas dengan persekitarannya sepantas kilat dan secepat guruh berbunyi. Jadi memanglah logik kalau manusia tu berubah.

A: Ah, susah nak cakap dengan kau yang 'realist' ni. Aaahh..
(Hati disabarkan supaya tak terus keluar kata-kata yang lebih kesat dan menyakitkan hatinya kemudian lagi.)

B: Hahahhah...

A: Kenapa gelak?Ada aku buat lawak?

B: Sorry ok~!Aku tak maksudkan kau. Aku cuma rasa kelakar kenapa kau terlalu sensitif dalam hal ni?It's not like you are her boyfriend ke apa~ and for god sake, she's your best friend.Be real okey?

A: Huh~! (Mengeluh kuat dengan harapan rasa yang memberat dihati turut sama terbebas.)

B: Aku rasa aku faham yang kau bimbangkan babe~

A pandang B. Keluhan tadi berganti senyuman kecil.

A: Macam bodoh kan? Aku..aku takut mungkin..

B: Ya, aku faham. Takut kalau kau akan kehilangan dia. Takut apa yang kau pernah kongsi bersama dia dulu berubah. Memang macam tu A. Kau tak boleh salahkan dia. Hat,jiwa dan jasad dia bukan milik kau. Dia berhak tentukan segalanya.

A: Hmm~Aku faham B. Aku yang terlalu sensitif sebenarnya. Aku tahu sebagai kawan yang rapat dengan dia,aku sepatutnya lebih jelas dengan situasi ini. Kalau betul aku ada terasa hati dengan dia, aku tak patut smpan dalam hati. Sebagai kawan, baik dan buruk dia aku harus terima dengan redha. Kalau mampu, keburukan dia aku kena tegur dan betulkan.Ye tak?

B: Ha, faham pun kau.Tak payah aku bukak syarahan panjang-panjang. Hahahha

A: hahhaha.Sengallah kau. Buat malu aku pulak.

B: Sekadar ingat mengingati.Bebaskanlah dia dan perasaan kau tu. Aku faham. Kita dah sama-sama dewasa. Jangan jadi macam zaman kita kanak-kanak dulu. "Kau kawan aku. Kau tak boleh kawan dengan dia," ahahhah..memang ayat 'favourite' aku zaman budak-budak dulu.

A: hahah betul2.Aku pun. Yelah B, kita dah dewasa. Biar apa yang dia lakukan, aku sokong walau dari jauh. semoga dia berjaya,itu dia aku.

B: Ya, itu yang sebaiknya. Bebaskan dia dan perasaan cemburu gila kau tu.

A: (Hanya tersenyum puas.) Diri mula terasa lebih aman dan tenteram sebab perasaan buruk lagi busuk itu dh mula mngalir keluar dari dalam diri.

B turut tersenyum. Puas bukan sahaja sebab melihat emosi A yang kembali stabil, tapi turut gembira sebab dapat turut juga dapat mengingatkan diri sendiri tentang kawan dan kebebasan~!

Chenta ini~

~I just Haven'T meeT U Yet~

~Half Love SoNg~

Flowers wither in time
Rivers even run dry
Wounds in our hearts will soon be memories
Its time that I let you go

REFRAIN
Who's gonna hold you tonight
What song can make your new love happy
What tomorrow brings is such a mystery untold
Who can ever tell how life can be

CHORUS
your happiness has gone beyond me,
Ive lost track of you
Our love is like a song that is half sung
Time changed our love to habit
Healed the wounds
And canceled all my rights to be with you

Loving you is half sweet, half bitter
A painful wonder
An act that is left half said and done
Regrets of unfinished business,
roads not taken by us
A story that can never be, even with time
(A song that will forever be, only half sung)


My happiness doesn't concern you, we've taken our own paths
Our love turned into song that is half sung
Time changed our love to habit
Created a new world
And canceled all my rights to think of you

~Saya Suka..~

~si dia YG menariK pandangan Ku~

1) lelaki yg memakai baju melayu cekak musang lngkap bersampin~

2) Lelaki yg memakaI pakaian formAl lengKaP mcm Nk pi pejabat~

3) lelakI yg memakaI cardigan dengaN kemeja~

4) lelakI yg memakaI kasut TutuP x kira lh sneaker ker,Leather shoes ker~

5) LelakI yg botak~

6) lelakI yer ber'Goatee'~

7) lelaKi yg berkaca Mata~

8) lelaKi yg tgh Membaca buku/novel fiction@ nonfiction ~

9) lelaKi yg tgh BersukAn~

sesungguhnYa ini adalah definisiku UntuK aktiviti cucI mataku~hahahha...mungkin akn diupdatekan dr semasa ke semasa..hahha

_BengonG_

adoyai..ak mmg x paham..camana ak bley tersepit lah dlm celah2 chenta dua manusia nih..kot2 kalu ak pihak ketiga tu x per lah jugak..tapi ak pihak ketiga yg x bertepatan.x paham?x per..mai ak xplain further yer..huhuh

alkisah..ak ada seorng kawan lelaki yg mmg rapat dgn ak smjk kitorng di bngku sek dulu..ak dgn dia on off contact..dulu mmg x prnha contact tapi smnjak dua mnjak nih rajin gak lah contact..huhuh mmg dulu adalah dia ajk kapel..tapi ak x yakin dgn kesungguhan dia masa tu.lagipun dia mmg selalu fool aorund cmtu.so ak x pernah amik seyes apa yg dia kata pasal kapel mapel segala bgai nih..

dipendekkn cerita..makanya skrng dia masih lagik belajor..kemudiannyer wujud pula seorng permpuan yg masuk frame citer antara aku dan A.(letak jelah nama guy frien ak tu A,OK?)huhuh..si perempuan sengal nih namakan saja B. sambung balik citer..Berdasarkan kertas dinding di 'mukabuku' siA,ak tau yg kemungkinan beso Si B ngn A ni ada apa-apa..ak cuba korek2 sebab ak tau dan sedar bahasa sosial antara ak dan A adakalanyer berbaur mesra dn mnja walau pada hakikatnyer bukan lah berniat sesngt sprti yg diluah..itu mmg cara ak dan si A bersosial.

Memang ak tak nafikan ada masanya ak mmg berharap si A serius dgn apa yg dia katakn biler mesej bertukar manja.Tapi bila diuji sedikit,hmm,nmpak sgt si A hanya mnguji skill and test power shj.Yer,memang ak tau dia test power,sbb sesungguhnyer ak mmg tidak naif dlm hal chenta2 begini okies?huhh..back to the story.Makanyer biler ak bertanya pada si A tentang statusnyer dgn si B, dengan lantang si A menjwab yg dia dan si B mmg hanya kawan.In fact si A terlalu berusaha utk menegaskan yg dia semmangnyer free and single utk bergrk n kuar ngn sesiapa yg dia suka.

tapi syngnyer,bagi B,ak rasakn yg dia seakan obsessi dengan A sbb sban hari ak akn nmpak pelbagai mesej dan coretan siB utk si A di kertas dinding A di 'muka buku'.tapi dlm masa yg sama,ak juga sedar yg si A turut ada hati dgn si B cuma dia masih ragu-ragu dgn rasa hati dia.moving on,ak dgn caraku yg selamba dan selalu mngacau maka ak meniggalkan mesej2 berbaur manja di 'kertas dinding' 'muka buku' siA yg secara tak langsungnye memarakkan kemarahan B.

maka dengan itu ak telah terlibat dengan rasminyer dlm hubungn mereka yg sbnrnya masih timbul tenggelam.pada hakikatnyer,si A selalu mengadu pada ak yg dia sbnrnya nak lari dari B.dia pn tak tahan.*tu*iD A.nak lari ape kejadah kalu ko asyik dok pujuk2 dia.amanda x sukanyer kalau di amerajuk ko nak jer pujuk2..kalu dia bengang ko cepat jer nak tolong siram api bengang..

hai lah..guys they just don't get it okey.it hurts when someone say that they don't like you.but it even worst kalu u tell her u don't like her but u show like u like her like hell.and of course there's no sympathy in loveship.it's all or nothing darling.lagi lama ko biar dia suka kat ko.lagi lah dia bengang giler dgn ko nnti.

payahlah nk cakp sbb ko x phm.ko x pernh suka sgt2 tapi akhirnya ko diberitahu yg ko bukn pilihan.sakit hati tu tuhan jer yag tau.ap yg ko bley wat kn A, tolonglah ak mintak byk2 tolonglah ko terus terang dgn B tu.kalu ko tak suka atau x sanggup, ckp jerlah.kalu ko redha dgn segala kekurangan n kelebihan dia,teruskanlah niat ko tu.

ak minta maaplah byk2 sebb kaco hidup ko~jadik silalah amik tindakan yg selnjutnya.

Thank you

~Teriakan Hati~

~ak nanar dlam percaturan ini~

Cukup Indah - Alif Satar

Tak pernah aku jauh darimu
Meninggalkan cinta kita
Tak pernah aku meluka hatimu
Perasaan dan jiwamu
Segalanya telah ku serah
Hanya engkau terindah

Korus
Hanya kerna kau yang cukup indah
Untuk dimiliki dan untuk dicintai
Ku tahu kau mahu ada di hati
Untuk didampingi untuk disayangi

Tiada yang lain selain dirimu
Kekal tinggi di hatiku
Tiada pengganti yang mampu ku cari
Yang secantik diri kamu
Cinta ini untuk dirimu
Rasa ini untukmu

Ulang Korus

Hanya kerna kau yang cukup indah
Untuk dimiliki dan untuk dicintai

~Cheated~

It had been hmm,about two months i'm into singlehood again..how do I fare?Well,definitely fine.In fact I'm feeling GREAT~huhu hmm standard lah kn,first few weeks after break up mcm gila talak skit..tapi sekarng tidak lagi...hahha nasib lah hati cekal weh..x guna dikenang ornag x sudi..Udahlah x sudi,siap terasa mcm kena main ngn dia jer..

hmm,dasar lelaki zaman skrng kot,x dpt aper yg dia nak,tinggalkn saja..isyh2 x paham ak.Baru test skit...3 bulan couple kot..x kan ak senang2 jer nak lentok liuk kat dia kot..hello,kata nk mmbina hbungan yg dberkati,x bg pegng skit dh tarik muka.isyh2..cmano gamaknyer tu..konon kata nak mmbina hbungn yg serius,x mo memain,tapi biler tnya balik kata pulak x sedia lagi..adoyai..apekah?

kalu ikut kata yan,dila,farah,zaza sememangnya ak tersangt patut bersyukur sebab baru 3 bulan bercinta tembelang si dia dh pecah.memang betul pun.ak memang tadah tangan sanagt dengan allah sebab tunjukkan ak yang kami memang x sepadan.sumpah,dia memang orang yg baik.definisi baik tu memang pada dia.tapi sayang,cara bercinta kami x sama.hala tuju,matlamat cinta kami rupenya berbeza.

ak bukan malaikat.ak juga bukan muslimah yg menghafal juzuk demi juzuk al-quran (walau jauh di sudut hati, ak mahu hari itu tiba~huhu) tapi selagi termampu selagi terdaya, ak mahu menjaga dan mengikut landas islam dalam menghulur dan melafaz kasih sayang antara manusia,lelaki dan perempuan.

kata kak ca,kalau ak betul sygkn seseorang,by nature,mmg akn ada perasaan nk sntuh mnyentuh,belai mmbelai tu.to be true,yes i do agree and i do realize that. mungkin allah tolong ak dalam hal ini kot.allah tolong ak dalam memastikan ak menajga diri ak baik2 sebab apa yg ada pada ak, baik dan buruk ak hanya mmpu ak hidangkan untuk lelaki yg bernama suami ak jer.tak daya lah nk bagi semua lelaki pn pegang n sentuh.ak bukan baju display ok~hahah

well,btw elok2 sebulan lepas kitorng klash,si dia, msg ak utk bgtau yg dia dh jumpa orng yg dia cari.hmm,great right?sebenar-benarnya,masa ak baca msg tu,ak tak terkejut sangat sebab dh expect pun from his fb status yg still gak ada kat wall ak..(wat semak jer..huhuh)

kalau ikutkan,lepas break up ak bukan nyer frust menonggeng tp more or less ak lebih rasa sakit hati dan marah.ak rasa tertipu dengan cara dan kelakuan dia spnjng perkenalan kami.Apa yg dia katakn pada ak waktu kitorng klash nak tak nak memang makan dalam.habis perinsip dan cara family ak besarkan ak pun dia persoalkan.i don't think i can forgive him about what he said and did afterward.what i can say is that, man can be so very stupid sometimes~

chinta?tak ada yg lebih hakiki dan bermakna melainkan cinta allah.ak nk perbaiki amal ibadat yg selalu sgt timbul tnggelam lagi nih..bab cinta kawen nih, tungu ada orng masuk memining jer ah..hantaran rm12 k..hahha layanzz~



.

When Jealousy strikes~!

"Weh,ak jeles,"

"Apekah?"

"Tgklah nih.."

Segera B melihat komputer riba A.

"Apekah?"

"Isyh,dia nih.Statement nih.Tgklah"

A tunjuk lagi pada skrin komputer ribanya.

B mula membaca lagak kanak-kanak yang baru mengenal abjad.

"'hope saya leh jadi kapel cam gnie ngn awk....:D''"

"Nampak tak?" A tak sabar tunggu reaksi B.

"Hmmm.."

"What's that supposed to mean?Is it another notation for 'padanlah muka ak' @ 'u deserve it' @ 'u just being paranoid'?"

"Whoa,chill babe.What's the emotional talks for?Relax.Bagi ak ruang sikit sebelum buat sebarang komentar pasal kes 'karat' kau nih,"

A menjeling sambil menarik nafas panjang.Keluhan kecil keluar juga dari celahan bibirnya.

"I'm the evil green eye-jealousy monster right?Isyh,bencinya.And to make it even worst.he's not even my special.Damn!"

"Ok.Now u really sounds like u are a perfect-little-greenish-jealousy-monster.Provided that u already start cursing which is definitely improper for a lady like you,"

"B,ak serius.."

"Look here,A.U did make a point tadi.He's not even your special.So you definitely have no right to feel jealous at the first place,"

"T.."

"Hold it there girl.I'm, not yet finish."B menarik nafas sambil tersenyum.

A mula mencuka.

"Though he's not your special,but you always like him since the day you met him years ago.But then,he always joke around about his interest towards you.Which actually can be seen as 'main-main'.But,now and then, you cannot help but fall for him more or less.And now it did irritate you to see other girls give out some kind of 'mesra' comments in his FB,right?"

"What an analysis,B"

B tergelak besar.

"Sorry babe.Your sarcastic comment regarding my 'analysis',i take it as a compliment.Thank you by the way,"B masih ketawa.

"So?"

"Sorry.So,I'm telling you right now that there's definitely nothing you can do.Or else you can actually just ask him in a casual manner.Like he always do.Try to make it as a joke,maybe?"

A diam.Tak lama kemudian,dia tersenyum lebar.

"I got what u're trying to tell me B,Thanks a lot dearest buddy.I'll definitely ask him.In a casual manner.Use some jokes,"

And B just smile looking at A's gleaming eyes.

~KebebaSan~

Aduyai,susah nyer kalau dah suka kat sesorang.Mungkin nak suka cuma ambil sesaat,tapi nak lupakan perasaan suka tu,mau makan bertahun-tahun lamanya.Adoi..cepatlah perasaan ni berlalu.Semakin ak cuba nak lupakan si dia,semakin kuat pulak ingatan pada dia datg mengasak.Macam dah gila talak rasanya.Syukur,ak dikelilingi mereka-mereka yang sayangkan ak berganda-ganda sebab mereka nih sentiasa jer ada disamping disaat ak sangat memerlukan sokongan mereka.

Adoi,memanglah jiwa rasa nak pecah ngan emosi yang sengal sgt nih,

'hiiisyh,shah ko kan pernah dengar orang kata,kalau kita cintakan seseorang tu,lepaskan dia.Kalau suatu hari nanti dia kembali pada kau,dia sememangnya milikmu dan kalau dia tak kembali, sememangnya dia tak pernah ditakdirkan buatmu.'

And I guess,sebelum 'hari kebebasan' tu datang,i just have to bear and cherish all this pain and heartache sebab dari perasaan sakit n sedih nih lah ak yang lebih baru dan lebih bagus akan wujud~!

Glacier~

“Are you going to let this slip away?” Jenny asked quietly. “She loves you so much. And I know you love her.”

“No. I’m not going to let her go. She can be as cold as she damn well wants. But I’m not letting her go.” He spun around, striding to his car.

“Wait,” Jenny said, jumping up and going after him. “Wait, damn it. Lauren isn’t cold,” Jenny said, blocking Dale’s way when he would have headed for his car.

“She hides behind that. But she isn’t cold. She’s got the biggest heart of anybody I’ve ever known. It’s been stepped on too many times, by the people who were supposed to love her. She doesn’t trust herself any more. Hasn’t trusted herself for years. She’s gotten the worst from people for so long she’s learned to expect it, to think that’s all she deserves.”

He paused, frowning. “I know my wife, Jenny. She’s got a little more belief in herself in than that.”

“No, she doesn’t. Dale, Lauren’s scared to death right now that you’re going to leave her. She hurting inside and she doesn’t know how to show it, or how to tell you.” Her hands rose and fell helplessly as she struggled to describe the Lauren she knew existed.

“She doesn’t fight like you and me. She doesn’t know how. Damn it, every time she ever cared about something, she lost it. She stopped letting it show when something mattered. Stopped pretending anything mattered. All she knows to do is shut down. And the more she hurts, the colder she gets. You’ll feel like you’re fighting a glacier.”

Dale shook his head, not linking the woman Jenny was describing to the one he knew. “I know she loves me. But she doesn’t trust me.”

“Yes, she does. She didn’t tell you because she didn’t trust you. She didn’t tell you because she does trust you, too much. She knew you’d do the right thing and she didn’t want to lock you into something you didn’t want.” Jenny stomped her foot and raised her clenched hands to her temples, shaking with sheer frustration. “She didn’t want a man who was there only because he felt obligated. And she deserves better than that, she and Krista both.”

Was it really that simple?

“She doesn’t love easily, Dale. She doesn’t trust easily. But she loves and trusts you; she was afraid of tying you in a place you didn’t want to be. And later, she was afraid of losing you. Be careful with her, Dale.”

Jenny’s mossy green eyes filled with tears and she pressed her fingers to her mouth, forcing herself to take a deep calming breath.

“She’s on the edge right now, she can’t keep getting rejected by the people she loves. She needs you so much.”

I always feel lIke i'm Lauren~cold as the glacier ey?hmm..
(creditz goes to her best friend lover-s.w)

~Terima Kasih~

~Untuk awak yang pernH sinGgah dlam Kamus Hati sy~

The last three moths definitely had been a roller coaster ride for me.Awak datang secara tiba-tiba macam ribut tornado. Perkenalan kita tak dirancang, tapi memang pasti akan saya kenang selamanya.

Memang kita hanya mampu merancang,tuhan juga yang tentukan.Nampaknya jalan kita ternyata berbeza.Kehndak dan cara kita untuk hubungn nih nyata tak sama.Dan dalam hal ini,saya tak boleh salahkan awak dan sy mintak sgt awak tak salahkan saya.

Wajarnya,walau kehendak dan cara kita berbeza tapi kalau matlamat kita sama,pasti ada jalannya.Tapi ternyata, kita juga tak berkongsi objektif yang sama dalam hubungan yang dah kita bina nih.

Jadi,yang ada buat kita hanyalah perpisahan.Mungkin pada waktu dan saat ini jalan itu adalah yang terbaik walau nyata ia memang pedih bagi sy.

Terima kasih tak tehingga buat awak yang sudi buat 3 bulan mengenali awak,anatara memori termanis dalam kamus jiwa saya.Kehadiran awak tetap akan sy kenang sampai bila-bila.

Walau awak minta lepas ni supaya kita dpt teruskn pula dgn hubngn pershbtn,tapi nyata sy masih tak mampu.Sekurang-kurangnya bukan dalam masa terdekat ni.Perasaan saya pada awak masih kuat terasa.Tak mungkin pershabatan boleh terjalin ikhlas kalau antara kita masih ada yang menyimpan rasa yang lebih dari sayang seorng sahabat.

Saya mendoakan dan berharap semua perkara yang terbaik yang awak inginkan dapat awak kecapi.Terima kasih dan selamat tinggal chintaku~

Marsha-Yang Terbaik



"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down"

HearTbroken~

i'm staring down at my laptop.keep thinking.

was it me?

was it him?

can it be undone?

i'm Heartbroken.i'm scared.

They said better now before the feeling grows deeper.

Damn it!~

It's too late.I know I had fall deeper in love with him.Because it hurt so damn much now.

heartbroken~!

CouplehOod!~

Sabar..
Sabar..
Sabar Sherah~

Tolonglah..memang ak tgh berapi giler nih.Is this Love?damn if this what define love,I'll think i'm definitely in a volcano of temper..

Man,he dare asking me why i have to think that way?marah nyer ak..damn it!i even have tears right now just becoz i'm so damn angry with him,I hardly talk.

He went to his friend's birthday on thursday evening.Then he msg me on Friday just to tell me he'll be out with his friend.

I've been sickly worried about him and keep thinking about every single reason that probably happen that keep him from texting me.Keep thinking that maybe i've said something wrong because he didn't msg me at all.He also didn't pick up the call.

I msg him this morning,he didn't reply.Then I tried calling his hp again.and he didn't answer it again. and suddenly he msg me that he's washing his ride and he feel sleepy.

like hell!when i received that sms, i even shiver because i'm afraid that it is not him who msg me.I'm stupidly cry just because i'm happy that he's alright but at he same time so damn angry becoz he left me wondering about his whereabout.

then i text him and let him know that i've been sickly worried about his whereabout.And he replied by saying that what an imaginative mind i have there and telling me that he's been busy last night with his friend.

that damn message make me almost want to throw my phone to the wall.i hardly describe what i feel that time.if he is in front of me, i might could have slap him on the face.damn it he don't even feel guilty for leaving me questioning his whereabout,for leaving me assuming that i have done something wrong,leaving me and my msg and calls unanswered.

Tell me is this the way u love somebody?

I try so hard not to be a very super busy body girlfriend that will msg his bf every half and hour.I understand that he want his private quality time with his boys or perhaps girls friend.I want all that too.Funny that when we're just started, the msg is like raining cats and dogs.tak berhenti-henti.after 3 months(br 3 bulan kot~) things started to change.

Damn it.I'm not asking for 300 msg/day.At least please lah.Before you going to bed.Before you go to work.and if possibly after you finished working.And the msg doesn't have to be 300 word long.Just a simple short and if possible sweet msg would be enough for me.But what happen somehow make me feel used.When he's free he msg through and through.But when he's busy he just forget about me.

damn couplehood!

What i feel when i read his msg:
1) I feel like I don't have the rights to ask @ bother him when he's with his friend.
2) I feel like I've been used as he will come to me when he's free and available and leave when he have his time fully utilized.

better get married fast lah..anyone?hahhah~

RezekI bumI aLLah~

Memang ak Risau~kalu mama n abah risau,ak lagik berganda risau~

adoi mana pi kerja???!!

ak sedaya Cubalah nk stay Positif!hmm,ak percaya rezeki tu kat tgn allaH.ak berusaha.Sungguh ak dah hantar resume semua mana yang mampu.

Aku betul-betul tolak @x pernah cuba untuk jadi lecturer sebab ak memang x minat.Aku tak mahu mengajar.Tapi kata mama,'Kamu memilih sangat'.Adus,senangnya meletakkan penilaian.Hanya kerana ak tak mahu sesuatu yang mereka mahukan,maka ak dikatakan 'MemIlih'.

Tapi salahkah memilih?It just that life offer so many chances and i'm Totally done with doing things thaty the situation put me up to.Ak x mahu lagi buat perkara yang ak tak ada jiwa.Sudah-sudahlah 23 tahun ak hidup, ak mengikut keadaan dan situasi.

Ak nak mencipta keadaan dan situasi yang ak sendiri mahukan.BIar kalau susah senang,ak akan tanggung sebab ak yang pilih jalan ini.Tapi sukarnya nak memulakan langkah tanpa sokongan orng2 tersayang.Abah lebih santai dan relax.Dia lebih menyerahkan pada ak halatuju yang ak mahukan.Mama yang sering sangat mempersoalkan semuanya.

Memang aku risau.Memang ak takut.Tapi bak kata 'hukum Tarikan':Semakin kita memikirkan perkara-perkara yang positif dan benda-benda yang menbuatkan kita gembira.lagi mudah dan senang kita mendapatkan nya~Itu yang ak nak lakukan.

Untuk insan-insan yang ak sayang dan yang sayangkan ak,doaknlah ak dalam melakar langkah dibumi TUhan ini.Sesungguhnya walau apa jua rezeki yang ak cari,ak mengharap redha dan KeberkatanNya.Aminnn..

On Sale~

Ada sesiapa mahu tudung sulam tangan yg sungguh meriah dan chantek spt gmbr dibwh ini?Kain Bawal yang dihias chantek dgn sulaman benang tgn yang berwarna-warni dan manik~memang sgt chantik..

Juga ada dalam bentuk shawl~Utk Shawl bukan kain Bawal~

Tudung Bawal 45" - RM40
Selendang Sulam Tangan - RM35

Postage Fee: Pos Ekspress RM4
Pos Laju (By Request)

Interested?leave a comment by telling Me what type and ColoUr do you Want~ooPps,PastI tidak Rugi okies!~

Mencari Cinta~

"Macam mana nak bercinta ha,babe?"

Mata-mata itu masih fokus pada awan biru langit walau kedengaran suara lunak Farihah bertanyakan soalan yang telah mengundang keluhan Sari.

'Ah,Fari nih spoil mood betul lah,' getus hati Sari perlahan.

"Sari.."

"Kalaulah ak ada jawapan yang pasti untuk soalan kau tu, dah lama ak tulis buku. Ha, dapat ak kumpul duit beli kereta baru.Hahahaha...."

"Huh,"

Suasana sunyi dan damai kembali menguasai.Sepoi angin petang itu memang menenangkan jiwa.
Dua gadis itu masih asyik memandang awan biru sambil melayan jiwa masing-masing.

"Kalau tak cemburu katanya tak sayang.Kalau cemburu katanya mengongkong." lembut Sari mengulas tiba-tiba.

"Kalau jumpa bergaduh.Kalau tak jumpa rindu,"Sambung Fari.

"Kalau terasa hati,mesti nak merajuk.Dah merajuk minta dipujuk.Kalau marah pun mesti nak dipujuk juga."Sari mengulas lagi.

"Kalau ada masalah selalu minta diberikan ruang untuk berfikir sendiri.Tak mahu berkongsi cerita.Katanya tak mahu menyusahkan kita,"Fari mendengus.

"Walaupun sering dia buat salah,hati masih tega nak maafkan dan menerima."Tambah Sari pula.

"Ucapan sayang mahu hari-hari dilafaz dan dibuktikan."Fari menggeleng-geleng sambil tersenyum sumbing.

"Jadi?"

Sari tersenyum lebar bertanya sambil memandang Fari yang masih culas berbaring di rumpunan hijau sambil matanya leka melihat awanan biru.

"He's a pain that I'm addicted to.I'm hopeless and helpless in this matter of love,dear friend,"

Fari turut bangun dari 'tilam' rumpunan hijau nya.

"Tapi kau kena pastikan semuanya yang kau lakukan masih berlandaskan ajaran Islam.Itu kau kena tegas.Kebahagian kau ak doakan selalu Fari,"

Sari menggenggam lembut tangan Fari sambil tersenyum.

Tawa Fari pecah.Tersentuh hati bila keihlasan Sari terpancar dengan setiap lafaz bait nasihatnya.Sari turut berkonsi tawa.

"Thank You dearest."Balas Fari sambil turut membalas genggaman tangan Sari.

"Tapi,who's you dearest 'pain' that u've been addicted to?"Sari bertanya tiba-tiba.

"Oh,ak masih mencari." lembut Fari menjawab.Matanya kembali terarah pada langit biru sambil bibir menyulam senyum panjang penuh makna.

"Hah?"

Status~

bengang~biler rasa cintan dh mkin menguasai diri.perasaan dh mula kaya dengan rasa suka pada sidia,nyata apa jua tindakan yang dia buat sntiasa mnjadik perhatian dan masuk dalam penilaian kita.Kalau dulu,perkara A yang dia buat,terasa biasa,tapi bila hati mula berkenan,sapaan ringan sperti 'hi' pn sudah memadai utk buat satu hari terasa diawang-awngn.senyum sengih sepnjang hari terkenang2 dia.

Ak pn begitu.Ak x nafikan.Walau ak selalu mahu jadi discreet about my love affair tapi ak sedar yg ak selalu shj teringtkn si dia.Inagatn pada dia tetap ada walau sesibuk dan segila manapun hari ak berlalu.ada saja tentang dia yg meniti bibrku.aah,mesti kawan-kwan ku sudah mulai muak dengari kisah kami.

Hari ini satu lagik kisah chentaku~kalu dahulu ak akui,situasi ini tak pernh ak anggap pnting,tapi bila terkena btng hidung sndr,ak jadik sentap~it sounds kinda stupid.No matter how much i want to deny that i don't think that it's not really a big matter for me as my rational mind definitely understand his action towards this matter.But then, when i sit back,i do realize that somehow,i do take this matter quite personal.

well,the thing is,he choose not to change his status in facebook from 'single' to 'in a relationship'.Well before this i don't really care as i do agree that we'll keep our relationship low profile.but then yesterday i notice that he did change his status to 'it's complicated' and comments from his friends came in then the next thing i realized he simply change it back to 'single'.

entah kenapa terus ak rasa sgt 'sentap'.well,he did mention beforehand yang dia x nak tukar status dia sbb dia x mau kawan-kawan dia tiau@make fun of him.walau ak tak rasa logik sangat alasan dia tu,tapi ak tak rasa status fb tu sbg sesuatu yang besar @ would affect our relationship.Tapi semakin lama,ak x nafikan yang ak jadi terfikir macam2 bila status dia tak berubah.

Kadang-kadang ak terasa ak bercinta dgn orng yg punya split personality.dia begitu berbeza sewaktu msg @ sms dgn wktu kitorng berjumpa. aku tak tahu apa yg patut ak lakukan. Yan kata, 'why not he change the status?it's not like a very big deal kn?'

i almost speechless.I don't know.Apa yg ak fikir dari ketidakmahuan dia tukar status dia brdasarkn alasan dia bg:

1)Dia tak yakin dengan perasaan dia sndiri lagi.
2)Dia nak jaga status ngn kengkawan.
3)Dia tak baper sure ak suka dia.
4)Dia tak baper sure kitorang ada future together.
5)Dia memang tak mahu kawan-kawan tahu yg dia dh ada gf.
6)Dia tak yakin dengan perasaan ak
7)Dia tak rasa status tu mencerminkan apa-apa simbol pun.
8)Dia ada tunggu someone else jugak and tak nak orng tu pikir bukan-bukan.

bila dfikir,kelakar bila bnda mcm nih buat ak jadik emosi n sensitif~i hate this feelinng.I hate being emotional-freak woman!(>o<)/

Chenta ini~

Siti Nurhaliza-Cinta Ini



Hafiz AF-Cinta Ini


Sejak ak terdgr masa perjalanan balik ke rumah lepas kerja ari tu, ak terus tngkap cintan ngn lagu nih.bila ak layan lirik nya plak,mmglah lgik bertmbh2 layan.hahah~mungkin sebab mood karat sejak dua mnjak nih.atau mmng lagu nih simple tapi penuh makna which in short means lagu nih mmg sedap pun.

tapi akhir2 nih ak jadi keliru...

reBeL~

Mmg ak tak paham~susah nak kata.Kalu salah ak,memang cepat saja ditegur.kalu menjawab,maknany ak sengaja menimbah minyak ke api yg marak.Kalau diam,memang hati makin parah n telinga makin bernanah.

rasanye memang mudah jadi ibu bapa nih~kadang2 tgk dlm tv jer ingt ok.tapi bila kena btng hidung sndiri, mulalah~bila ak renung balik,ibu bapa nih selalu n mesti akan salahkan anak-anak.'Marah dan tegur katanya tanda sayang'.kata-kata tu mungkin boleh pakai masa ak kanak-kanak dulu.masa ak masih keliru antara garam dan gula.masa ak kompius macam mana baby tercipta.

Tapi sekarang ak dah semakin dewasa.Sungguh ak tak kata yang ak lebih mahir dan tahu selok belok dunia.Ak tahu yang ak tak mungkin lebih mengerti yang dunia ini x selalu indah.Tapi teguran dan kritikan yang diberi, tak boleh ke kalu lebih berhemah.kenapa agaknya bila dalam proses nak jadik dewasa, kita diminta dan disuruh untuk lebih bijaksana mengawal emosi dan menutur kata. Tapi bila dh jadik dewasa, apa jenis didikan yg kita terima semua terbang keluar pintu bile marah dh merasuk jiwa.

Ak pn x tahu mana yang lebih sedih bila ak kena marah.kata-kata mama yang dh mula berbaur herdikan,atau diri ak yang dh mula x mahu makan saman.Semakin dewasa,ak beljar utk memilih kata-kata yang akan mmbntu ak utk menjadik lebih baik.Tapi sejak keblkgn ini,apa yang ak dapt lebih byk buat ak menjeruk rasa.Mungkin logik dan rasional buat ak berfikiran macm nih.Mereka kata.'Biarkanlah saja.dah diorng parents'..aduss,mmg soal kata lidah boleh bohong.Tpi bila masuk soal rasa,sndiri mau tnggung lah~hahhaah

Kadang-kadang ak pelik bila pikirkan betapa ibu bapa tu,berusaha n marahkan anak sungguh-sungguh sbb x ikut ckp diorng.Sampai terkeluar jugak kata-kata 'mak tanggang' bila marah kat anak.cuba nak ubah anak jadik macm mana yag diorng nak.Tapi pernah tak sesekali diorng berfikir yang kadang kala diorng pn perlukan perubahan.maksud ak, kalu anak dh x bley makan saman dgn bebelan n marah, x boleh ke kalu diorng ubah pulak cara diorng tu kalu nak tegur @ marah?

ak tgk mia tu,kalu ak marah mia mama n abh kata 'jgn marah budak'.hbis orng dewasa boley marah?sebab orng dewasa dh tau mana baik mana buruk.jadik salh silap dia x boleh dimaafkan?well,that's the real definition of life is unfair.Thank You!

Hmm,ak pn tak tahu bila semua nih akan berakhir..

do U smell me?

sungguh giler..kegilaan ak pada branded perfume makin gila.

check up this website.

http://perfumeberry.blogspot.com/

i wanted to buy these miniatures:

Lola by Marc Jacob 4ml -RM45

Ricci Ricci by Nina Ricci 4ml-RM35

Be Delicious Fresh Blossom by DKNY 7ml-RM45

should i place the order?gaji lum masuk~duit tgh kering..x kn nk korek saving sbb nak beli mnda2 x bermakna tapi ak giler2 nak punye nih? mak aih..camano nih?aaaahhhh tulun...