Thursday, April 21, 2011

~IT's ENough~!

okies, U know wut i'm not that available for you. If u want me,so i guess u have to work for it to happen. if u want to cancel it be brave enough to at least tell it to my face. i'm not going to wait anymore.

i've got places to be and other people to entertain.so, u might want to grab ur chance while u still can.i'm not saving more space for you because from the way u acted i don;t think u ever save any space for me either~!

what u give u get back~(^o^)/

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

~new perspective~

"When Others put you down for who you are or what you're doing it just means that you're going in the right direction."

Kelakar rasanya sebab at this stage of life, ak br tempuh segala yg 'proverb' tu kata. lately, i think i've been put down by so many people. i'm not mad. it just that i'm so frustrated. i thought i would get their support.

but sadly, all the comments i had received are critiques and more de-motivated words. and funny enough, all those words are hide behind 'caring' words like, ' i don't want u to be sad' @ 'i don't want to offend u' @ 'i care about u,that i hate to see people lie to u' @ 'there's hardly any future in that things u do'..yadda yadda yadda..

and then,u just simply run away from me because u said that i do things that u don't like. no news,no hi anymore. just make me wonder what happen to the world of technologies this day? then we start talking, you keep on giving me all the negative thoughts to make me believe that i'm on my way to make the worst nightmare ever in the history of my life. i just don't get it.have u ever think to ask questions like 'why u do this?' @ 'are u sure about this?' @ 'this is really risky, but if you are sure, then go for it.'huh~!

well u know wut?yes i'm not very sure about this things either but i'm willing to take the risks and see where it would take me. I want to make this change. this one different things from what u expect me to do. because seriously, i never realize that these 'things' i do really made my day. really make me learn so much about myself and also other people. there just so many things that beforehand i just forget to appreciate but i start to love again when i'm doing this.and of course at the end of the day, it can definitely help me to make tons of dollars ^^

is it so hard for u to at least have my back if i'm feeling defeated throughout this journey ?be there, not to point out that i might made a mistakes but to let me know that it is okay to make faults because you would know that i would learn from it and get back again and keep on fighting.
and i guess, i'm no longer have the will and the strength to pretend that i'm not hurt by u. thanks for everything. i might had change because this time i know that i'm no longer in need of someone like you. tq for everything though.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

~Menunggu~

"Aku betul-betul x faham dengan kau.Bahagian mana dalam perkataan 'TAK PAYAH PERGI' tu, yang kau rasa 'kureng' jelas sangat, sampaikan kau tetap juga pergi jumpa jantan sengal tu, walau pn aku dah nasihatkan tak payah?"

Naik turun nafas Min laju, bila dia bercakap dengan 'temperature' yang turut sama meninggi.

Aku cuba buat muka comel 'puss in the boot' dalam cerita Shrek. Dengan harapan, Min tak marah lagi. Takuuuutt.. Kalau tak cool down, mahu makan tangan aku 'dinner' nanti.

Aku mengeluh perlahan bile tahu yang muka simpati aku gagal meraih perhatian Min.

"Memang aku tak makan dengan muka kucing Shrek kau tu. Kenapa kau pergi jugak?"

"Bukan aku Min. Kaki nih yang gerak ke sana. Hati ngan jiwa serta akal aku yang rasional nih, memang aku tinggalkan kat rumah sebelum keluar tadi." Aku cuba bergurau untuk redakan sikit debar di hati.

Memang kalau dengan Min, aku selalu kalah. Dia terlalu kenal dengan sikap aku sampaikan aku memang tak ada ruang nak sembunyi apa-apa dari Min. Nasiblah, aku memang bernafsukn lelaki jer. Kalau tak aku buat laki dah cik Jasmin Melati nih.Lalalala..

"Hoi!' Terasa tunjalan jari runcing Min pada bahu aku.

Sedikit ak tertolak ke dinding. Adeyh!

"Berangan lagi lah tu! Orang bercakap dia berangan. Bertuah betul." Min tarik muka lagi. Kusyen di atas sofa di baling ke arah aku. Fuh,nasib sempat mengelak.

Aku sengih-sengih.

"Mana ada. Aku tengah muhasabah diri je tadi. Cuba merangka jawapan untuk soalan-soalan kau tadi." Sengih aku lagi sambil tangan dah menggaru-garu kepala yang tak gatal pun.

"Jadinya, apa alasan kau kali ni? Jangan nak bagi alasan yang akan buat aku cancelkn nama kau dari senarai tetamu untuk majlis kahwin aku nanti." Min dah mula 'warning'. Kening dia pun dah terangkat-angkat gaya serius mengugut. Lagi pulak, dia dah pun duduk bersila depan aku sambil menunggu respond.

Oh,tidak!Aduyai....

"Err, aku tahu, kau cakap jgn pergi jumpa M sbb kau tak nak aku sakit hati lagi.Aku tahu kau nak ak pegang pada perinsip yang aku dok laung-laun sebelum nih.. Dan yang paling penting kau memang nak ak lebih pentingkan diri n perasaan sendiri daripada dok pikir pasal mamat sengal tu..."

Aku tengok Min angguk setiap kali ak habiskan satu ayat.

"Tapi?" Min buat muka sarkastik dia, yang memang buat aku terasa sedikit 'sentap'. Hai lah sahabat,boleh tak kau tolong mengerti sikit perasaan aku yang aku sendiri pun selalu 'lost' untuk faham ni?

Aku tarik nafas dalam. Badan ak dah sandarkan penuh pada dinding biru ruang tamu tu.

"Dia tak salah. Dia tak benci aku. Dia tak kongsi perasaan yang sama dengan aku. Dia tak nafikan yang dia terbuka untuk timbangkan pilihan yang lain. Dalam konsep bercinta, kami ada pendapat tentang matlamat dan tujuan yang sama. Dia berterus terang dengan aku tentang apa yang dia rasa dengan cara dia meletakkan aku hanya pada sempadan kawan."

Aku cuba ceritakan setiap yang aku rasa dalam satu ayat supaya aku tak terasa seperti nak tokok atau buang apa-apa isi penting dari misi membongkar perasaan aku sendiri pada M.

Min pun ikut aku bersandar di dinding.

"Betul. Dia memang lain. Dari apa yang kau cerita dari dulu pasal dia, ternyata dia yang no 1 kalau bercakap pasal kelainan. Mana taknya, dia layan kau lagaknya macam dia buah hati pengarang jantung kau. Dengan panggilan manja bagai. Lepas tu, alih-alih katanya semua tu biasa saja. Kau hanya kawan dia. Sedap dia saja, meluahkan masalah cinta dia dengan kau. Sedangkan, kau ada perasaan pada dia! Tak ke sakit hati tu namanya?Aku memang tak faham kenapa kau nak teruskan juga permainan jiwa yang macam ni?Kau pun tahu, dalam soal cinta nih, kau kena pentingkan diri. Kalau dia tak mampu berikan yang terbaik utk kau, jadi tak perlulah kau tunggu dia lagi. Lupakan dia! "

Bersungguh Min berhujah. Bukan sekali aku dengar isi kandungan syarahan percuma Min tu. Malah sebenarnya kebanyakan ayat yang Min pakai, dia cuma ulang semula sahaja dari ayat-ayat yang pernah aku cakapkan waktu aku bertekad nak lupakan segalanya tentang M. Tapi dengan hanya satu SMS dari M, ak jatuh lagi. Hati aku dibuai lagi. ARggghhhh sengal nya!!!!!

Aku mengeluh lagi.

" Ha, teruskan mengeluh.Mula lah nak pura-pura mnyesal."

Aku tersengih. Hai lah sahabat. Maafkan aku.

"Aku memang tak menyesal dengan apa yang aku dah lakukan untuk M. Memnag dah banyak kali hati aku terkorban. Tapi aku masih tetap di sini sebab hati aku masih tak mahu mengalah. Aku dah pergi jauh-jauh Min, betul nih, tapi hati aku tetap mencari bayang dia dalam insan lain yang aku kenal. Aku perlukan masa untuk semua ini berlalu Min."

Giliran Min pula mengeluh.

" Okey, kalau itu keputusan yang kau ambil, aku still akan support dan respek.Tapi, tolong janji dengan aku. Kau kena juga buka hati kau untuk insan lain. Belajar terima orang lain juga.Tolong bagi hati kau sihat dan tak selalu sakit dengan minimakan masa melayan karenah dia. Boleh tak kau janji dengan aku semua tu?"

Aku tersenyum dan terangguk2 tanda setuju. Ya Allah, betapa aku bersyukur untuk kurniaan shabat sebegini untukku .

Min ikut tersenyum walau aku nampak sedikit risau dari sinar matanya.

"Dahlah, pergi mandi kambing. Balik kandang nak berlingkar je." Min baling satu lagi kusyen sebelum berlari masuk ke biliknya dengan hilai tawa.

Sengal punya sahabat~!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

@"DreAm"@


I'm Back To square one~!

This New Year is a whoLe new direction~! (suddenlY feels like i'm one of the'glee' club mmber~ahhaha)

Though it is reallY depressing and frustrating that i have to start everything all over again but somehow I know that this is the path I'm choosing from now on.


It's really scary but i just got to make the first step (which I believe the entire Whole world knew that going outside of your comfort zone is the hardest thing ever to do~!) that would going to be difficult. You know how baby took their first step before they know how to run. It's up and down, fall and rise first.


Though I could not guarantee that it'll work, but hell --> who knows what future have for you. Furthermore, i have a big dreams and ambitions and for certain, i do not have the heart to downsize all of that. I don't want to have another quarter of my life staring at the same dream board over and over and over again~!


Enough is enough! It's My own life and of course I deserve to choose how I should live my life. I might die trying but I don't want to have another regret or playing the 'what if' game when I held my grandchild later in life also. So what~

Take the chance and Leap~!


"No One can go back and make a brand NEw Start,BUt everyone can Start From NOw and Make A brand New EndiNg~!"

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

~Syukur~

~syukur sangat, bila disaat aku memerlukan jawapan, aku berjaya temuinya~

~syukur sangat bila disaat aku memerlukan kehadiranNya, dia tak pernah lari~

~syukur sangat bila dengan hanya satu ayat, segalanya boleh berubah~

p/s nasib bek aku tak label lagik 'si dia' yg baru sebagai projek 2..hahah telah ku temui jawapan yg pasti yang pastinya merubah persepsi diri ini~yeay~!

Monday, October 25, 2010

~promiseS~

And they say, never make a promise that you can never keep.

And looking back, there are so many promises that I had made to MYSELF had been broken.

Funny when you keep on saying that you should love yourself first to learn how to love anyone else. But you always know that falling in love, also mean that you will learn to love yourself more by wanted to be the best of yourself.

But then how can you say that you love yourself when you keep on breaking the promises that you made to yourself. Well you know how bad it feels when someone broke their promises but still you never feel sad when you had broke your own promise to the person who had been there ,still am and always will be-->yourself.

As for that,I'm writing these promises which some of it I had been said to myself so very earlier. And some of these are new as the result for this realization.ehhe

1) "Manusia bertindak mengikut apa yang dia mahu dan bukannya apa yang dia tahu."

Quote nih ak dapat dari buku yg ak baca. Tapi bila ak telek2 sebenarnya ak selalu sangat buat apa yang aku tahu dan bukannya apa yang aku mahu. Mungkin bukan selalu aku macam nih. Tapi kalau melibatkan perkara yang serius macam pelajaran, kerjaya dan sebagainya memang apa yang aku buat ialah mengikut sahaja apa yang aku tahu. Aku tutup rapat2 apa yang aku mahu sampai aku tersesat dalam mencari matlamat aku.Maka bila aku dah hbis kn 4 thun Grad dlm bidang yg aku tahu,aku dah buat keputusan untuk buat ap ayang aku mahu dan tak lagi terikat dengan apa yang aku tahu. Tapi nk mncari apa yang aku mahu memang teramat payah sebab aku dah terlalu lama tenggelam dengan apa yang aku tahu. Pencarian yang sukar tapi masih aku perjuangkan.Ini bukan kerja gila sebab aku mencari lebih dari yg aku mahu.Aku tak tamak.Tapi aku yakin dan mahu berusaha untuk dptkan kedua-duanya. Buat sesuatu yang tahap mahu dan tahu itu sama seiring ataupun mahu itu lebih dari apa yang aku tahu sebab aku tersangat sedar dengan adanya mahu, maka tahu akan datang sendiri.

To be continue..

Saturday, October 23, 2010

~huRt~

Congratulation. You hurt Me again~!

I already know that this had always been on the list of things that you would do to me. Why should i be surprise and why the pain is still so very damn hurtful.I thought by knowing it beforehand or being prepared won't make me feel this terrible. I would like to think that all you hurt was just my Ego but then, my heart felt so heavy and it hurt damn so much when everything about u had been mentioned.

Though I know I could never bring myself to blame u, but still.U such a JERK~!Damn Bad guY you are!I now maybe later I'm going to forgive you but for this time being i would like to curse and stay mad at you because I deserved to do that after you had done~!

You just so selfish, ungrateful, liar and irresponsible jerk I ever laid my eyes on!~I hatE u...but i know that I fall for you~!DAMN~!