~promiseS~

And they say, never make a promise that you can never keep.

And looking back, there are so many promises that I had made to MYSELF had been broken.

Funny when you keep on saying that you should love yourself first to learn how to love anyone else. But you always know that falling in love, also mean that you will learn to love yourself more by wanted to be the best of yourself.

But then how can you say that you love yourself when you keep on breaking the promises that you made to yourself. Well you know how bad it feels when someone broke their promises but still you never feel sad when you had broke your own promise to the person who had been there ,still am and always will be-->yourself.

As for that,I'm writing these promises which some of it I had been said to myself so very earlier. And some of these are new as the result for this realization.ehhe

1) "Manusia bertindak mengikut apa yang dia mahu dan bukannya apa yang dia tahu."

Quote nih ak dapat dari buku yg ak baca. Tapi bila ak telek2 sebenarnya ak selalu sangat buat apa yang aku tahu dan bukannya apa yang aku mahu. Mungkin bukan selalu aku macam nih. Tapi kalau melibatkan perkara yang serius macam pelajaran, kerjaya dan sebagainya memang apa yang aku buat ialah mengikut sahaja apa yang aku tahu. Aku tutup rapat2 apa yang aku mahu sampai aku tersesat dalam mencari matlamat aku.Maka bila aku dah hbis kn 4 thun Grad dlm bidang yg aku tahu,aku dah buat keputusan untuk buat ap ayang aku mahu dan tak lagi terikat dengan apa yang aku tahu. Tapi nk mncari apa yang aku mahu memang teramat payah sebab aku dah terlalu lama tenggelam dengan apa yang aku tahu. Pencarian yang sukar tapi masih aku perjuangkan.Ini bukan kerja gila sebab aku mencari lebih dari yg aku mahu.Aku tak tamak.Tapi aku yakin dan mahu berusaha untuk dptkan kedua-duanya. Buat sesuatu yang tahap mahu dan tahu itu sama seiring ataupun mahu itu lebih dari apa yang aku tahu sebab aku tersangat sedar dengan adanya mahu, maka tahu akan datang sendiri.

To be continue..

~huRt~

Congratulation. You hurt Me again~!

I already know that this had always been on the list of things that you would do to me. Why should i be surprise and why the pain is still so very damn hurtful.I thought by knowing it beforehand or being prepared won't make me feel this terrible. I would like to think that all you hurt was just my Ego but then, my heart felt so heavy and it hurt damn so much when everything about u had been mentioned.

Though I know I could never bring myself to blame u, but still.U such a JERK~!Damn Bad guY you are!I now maybe later I'm going to forgive you but for this time being i would like to curse and stay mad at you because I deserved to do that after you had done~!

You just so selfish, ungrateful, liar and irresponsible jerk I ever laid my eyes on!~I hatE u...but i know that I fall for you~!DAMN~!

Breathing Again~

Dear M,

I need to leave. I need to walk away from all these feelings. I've been badly hurt before this and I know you're not going to help me cure this cuts and bruises. I would never blame you for that because you make it very clear that you cannot give me anything from the day you say hello~

Well, I was the one who had offered help for your broken heart and I never thought that I would be trap in these feeling which come out of nowhere. I wanted so much to be the one that seriously can seal back your broken heart but deep down I know that it is impossible.

Impossible because you had been trying to prove that you are a bad guy. You trying to poison the feeling I have for you by keep sending me confusing signals and all. And most importantly he did not trust his heart that he can love and be loved.

How can I help or go straight to this one person who does not even want to help himself? I'm setting u free. Please just open your heart. I know that it will broke my heart even more to know that there'll be other girl who will be your saviour and mend your broken heart because I know I had failed to do so. But I rather it become like that than seeing you keep on punishing your self and torturing your own heart and feeling.Please be brave and just take the chance as while you still have it~

Please let me breath ~

~STUPID~

I'm tired.

It Suck.I felt this before.All the same frustration and disappointment.

And why do I never take the step to back down?I've been here and it is definitely not a very nice place to spend the time with.

Didn't I deserved someone better. Just like he said.i'm better off with someone else~! Just because he don't think that he is a good person for me. Duh~ Sounds like I'm a fallen angel and making me feel even worse for even have a feeling for him.

I don't get men. They run away when u try to get close and when u go they pull u faster than a rocket can be. Why they are did that? STUPID~!

~Penantian~

.nak lari jauh2 dari dia..

sebb
.dia buat ak nerves.
.dia buat ak kelam kabut.
.dia buat ak resah.
.dan ygpoling utama....dia buat aku MENUGGU~!

Tapi aku macam dah tak mampu nak lawan lagi.

.Aku macam terpaku.
.Aku macam terkesima.
.Aku macam terpukau.

Akhirnya..

Disini aku terus memandang
Disini aku terus mengharap
Disini aku terus memendam

Sigh~!Stupid!

~Antara Dua~

Antara Dua~!

.berenti atau teruskan.

.selamat atau risiko.

.kerja susah atau kerja senang.

.sokongan atau kutukan.

.senyuman atau tangisan.

.kemanisan atau kepahitan.

Semua orng ada destinasi yang sama. BAHAGia. tapi jalan menuju bahagia ada seribu satu cara, seribu macam belok dan selekoh. Memang kita akan sampai ke destinasi tapi jalan yg ditempuh pasti berbeza. Memang payah mngubah persepsi orng lain bila diri sendiri pun masih meragui keupayaan dan kemampuan diri. Percayalah pada hati, tapi biarlah bertulangkan restu dan doa dipohon dari ilahi. Aku juga menuju bahagia. Dalam penafsiran yang mungkin tak sama.