Breathing Again~

Dear M,

I need to leave. I need to walk away from all these feelings. I've been badly hurt before this and I know you're not going to help me cure this cuts and bruises. I would never blame you for that because you make it very clear that you cannot give me anything from the day you say hello~

Well, I was the one who had offered help for your broken heart and I never thought that I would be trap in these feeling which come out of nowhere. I wanted so much to be the one that seriously can seal back your broken heart but deep down I know that it is impossible.

Impossible because you had been trying to prove that you are a bad guy. You trying to poison the feeling I have for you by keep sending me confusing signals and all. And most importantly he did not trust his heart that he can love and be loved.

How can I help or go straight to this one person who does not even want to help himself? I'm setting u free. Please just open your heart. I know that it will broke my heart even more to know that there'll be other girl who will be your saviour and mend your broken heart because I know I had failed to do so. But I rather it become like that than seeing you keep on punishing your self and torturing your own heart and feeling.Please be brave and just take the chance as while you still have it~

Please let me breath ~

~STUPID~

I'm tired.

It Suck.I felt this before.All the same frustration and disappointment.

And why do I never take the step to back down?I've been here and it is definitely not a very nice place to spend the time with.

Didn't I deserved someone better. Just like he said.i'm better off with someone else~! Just because he don't think that he is a good person for me. Duh~ Sounds like I'm a fallen angel and making me feel even worse for even have a feeling for him.

I don't get men. They run away when u try to get close and when u go they pull u faster than a rocket can be. Why they are did that? STUPID~!

~Penantian~

.nak lari jauh2 dari dia..

sebb
.dia buat ak nerves.
.dia buat ak kelam kabut.
.dia buat ak resah.
.dan ygpoling utama....dia buat aku MENUGGU~!

Tapi aku macam dah tak mampu nak lawan lagi.

.Aku macam terpaku.
.Aku macam terkesima.
.Aku macam terpukau.

Akhirnya..

Disini aku terus memandang
Disini aku terus mengharap
Disini aku terus memendam

Sigh~!Stupid!

~Antara Dua~

Antara Dua~!

.berenti atau teruskan.

.selamat atau risiko.

.kerja susah atau kerja senang.

.sokongan atau kutukan.

.senyuman atau tangisan.

.kemanisan atau kepahitan.

Semua orng ada destinasi yang sama. BAHAGia. tapi jalan menuju bahagia ada seribu satu cara, seribu macam belok dan selekoh. Memang kita akan sampai ke destinasi tapi jalan yg ditempuh pasti berbeza. Memang payah mngubah persepsi orng lain bila diri sendiri pun masih meragui keupayaan dan kemampuan diri. Percayalah pada hati, tapi biarlah bertulangkan restu dan doa dipohon dari ilahi. Aku juga menuju bahagia. Dalam penafsiran yang mungkin tak sama.

~HUjUng MiNngu~

walau pun wknd yg baru berlalu ak hbiskan bersama my precious darling Niece, Miss Damia AriSsa yg sgt petah n bijak tu, jauh disudut hati mmg ada terasa kosong. Chup, tolonglah jgn kata sebb ak single, x dak pakwe sbb tu rasa cmtu..nak aje ak lempang..

apa dgn cinta manusia jer ker sudut hati tu akan penuh terisi??ha, jawab2, jawab. terkedu lah tu..sedar diri lah tu.hahah..

Mungkin sebab dlam diam ak terkenangkan shbt terasa yg smkin mnjauh, walau sbnrnya dekat ajer jarak yg memishkn. Mungkin sebab ak terpikir-pikir yang betapa canggihnya teknologi skrng tetp x berguna kalau orng yng memilikinya x pun mahu menggunnakannya. Mungkin sebb bulan ak dah nak mengambang, jadi emosi x baper nak stabil n tahap kesensitifan jiwa meningkat dgn kadar x dpt dibendung.Hmm, maka aku buat kesimpulan sbb buln ak dh nk mngmbang, makanya emosi ak x stabil. Perasaan pn jadi kucar kacir, hati pun asyik tak tenteram.


hai lah~!cepatlah poie jejauh!! BENCI!

Tgk, kn emo Lagik tu..huhu btw raya tahun nih mmg terasa sgt hambar. bagi aku lah. Maybe sbb ak jadik kekok n hilng mood beraya sbb thn nih, malam raya br balik kg. Mebe sbb blik kg pn x ramai orng yg ada d kg. Thun nih pn x pi beraya sgt. Jmputn utk open house pn mmg byk yg ak skip. Well not sngaja sgtlah skip tu..mostly sebb timIng x baper kena. hmm maaf sesgt yer kengkawan x dpt hadir.N of course terima kasih byk2 sebab jmput..(^o^)/


Oh yer, tentang si dia yg sedng mngetuk pintu hati, kamu mmg sgt mencabr n menguji ksbaran..Mungkin kamu sbnrnya x rasa apa yg aku rasa. dan pedih sekali bile diri x ada kekuatan utk bgthu kamu yg sakitnya jiwa nih ~adoi,naperlah nk singgh2 ketuk2 kalu x reti nk masuk?cet!~

~Dear Me~

Dearest Shahirah,

You know if you are not careful enough you"ll Be falling into the same old trap again.Though with a different person now, you know it would still hurt like hell~!

Gosh, how I wish i can really train every inch of your brain to just ignore and simply play along without involving any or even the very smallest part of me in his game. BUt then i do realize if we ever have to find someone to blame this thing to it's definitely going to be me, who have to take the responsibility right? In fact, I'm the one suggesting this plan right? I'm the one looking for trouble, right? and what i do? I dragged along every single of ur anatomy to do what ever i please.

So much of becoming an angel, konon~!Try to inject and spread the love.Encouraging and guiding sangat~!Shahirah,what are you thinking?Now slowly I mean very Slowly u're falling into the trap.AGAIN! See how stupid u are right?

We both always know at athe back of the mind and deep down within me whatever things he said, most of the time he don't really mean it right? He just by nature a sweet talker and for god sake with a very handsome physical that really attract U,right? DAMN~!

From now on things would be so much harder because u fall for him already~!But I do know if it involved me, u would be as much as helpless if he come around again right? Just be strong, Shahirah. Don't be very negative. I'm not trying to build up hope here but we just could not deny that if he is the one for you, he'll come around sooner or later..doakan sahaja..

"Ya Allah, jika dia benar untukku. Dekatkanlah hatiku dgn hatinya.Jika dia bukan untukku, redhakanlah aku dengan ketentuanMu."

Bila~

Bilamana apa yang aku lihat semacam menjeling dendam ke arah ku
Bilamana apa yang aku pandang seperti penuh tipu dan muslihat
Bilamana apa yang aku luahkan mula berbaur prasangka dan kedengkian
Bilamana apa yang kuhajati tak dapat ku genggami
Bilamana senyuman ikhlas tak lagi dapat memadam api benci

Aku nanar
Aku lagi resah
Aku terus berantakan

Aku mahu keluar dari calitan hitam yang memualkan ini
Aku mahu menjauh dari kekalutan hodoh yang memakan diri ini
Aku mahu bangkit dari lingkaran gelap yang meyelimut jiwa ini

Aku harus datang padaMu
Aku perlu sujud padaMu

Hanya kau tempat ku berserah
Hanya kau Maha mengerti
Kerna diri ku hanya milikMu